The Ferret

I knew it! 

Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!

When I have these thoughts people think I’m being paranoid. But I’ve been here less than a month and already there is an epidemic on the rise. I knew the moment I came here some crazy shit would happen and here it is. Swine flu has finally landed in UK. It was only a matter of time really. I’m just praying the wind doesn’t blow it our way.

I’ve been thinking about cheating a lot lately. Ever since one of my friend’s’ husbands married a second wife and even more so after reading one of Snow’s blog entries.

Ayisha* has been married for almost ten years, she has four children, but her husband wants many children and she is already in her mid thirties. He comes from a very large famly with more than seventy siblings! I’m sure he must have let her in on the possibility of marrying more wives later on in the marriage. She must have understood it as well. Though as at the time I left Nigeria, she didn’t yet know he had already married another woman. I was surprised but not shocked when M told me some weeks prior. I really wanted to know how she felt, but couldn’t ask her for obvious reasons. 

As Muslim women we are taught to accept that under certain circumstances our husbands may marry other women. I personally can’t argue with the Qur’an, and I accept all it says, much as my feminine instincts wishes otherwise. Unfortunately men have come to accept it as a carte blanche to take on as many wives as they wish even when they do not fulfill all the criteria that has been laid down.

Besides, isn’t the process of seeking another woman a form of cheating? Haven’t you ceased to remain faithful to the platter in front of you the moment your eyes begin to stray for a better piece of morsel? 

The normative way polygyny is being practiced in Nigeria is terribly unfair to the woman. Concequently there are a lot of frustrated women in Nigeria. If we all decided to vent our angers on our husbands the Niger River will be over flowing with severed male members. I also don’t understand  why men have to marry behind their wive’s backs even though their actions are sanctioned by the religion and even by the Nigerian constitution. 

In Northern Nigeria, for example, it is not uncommon to see girls as young as fifteen being divorced by their husbands just so he could marry someone younger. Most of these young girls, married off as virgins to men twice to thrice their ages, end up with psychological trauma, and rejected by family, are forced into a life of vice. The first wives are, if not divorced, neglected by the husband as soon as the new one comes along. Discarded like a worn piece of sock!

One wonders if there is any difference in the lives of these women and those of pre-Islamic Arabia. Are they really happy to be Muslim women? Islam was meant to uplift social welfare and improve the conditions of living, especially those of women who inevitably bear the brunt of an inequitable society. When Islam came women were able to inherit properties, enter into contracts and divorce their husbands. Yet today we see Muslim women opressed and denied of these very rights. They are not only relegated to the background, but almost denied of existence. It is as if the very air they breathe has been measured out by men. 

I subscribe to the school of thought that says marrying multiple wives is a priviledge not a right. The Qur’an makes it permissible only on the premise that the man can deal justly and fairly with all of them, in terms of material and emotional needs. Evidently not ALL men will be endowed with such means.  So when men talk about marrying other wives with the same flippancy women talk about buying fish in the market, then there is bound to be injustice somewhere down the line. They display complacency and outright ignorance of the gravity of what they are about to enter into. 

Islamically a woman can state in the marriage contract that her husband is not allowed to take another wife. If he does it without her knowledge their marriage is automatically void and he will have to answer to God. If the woman is alright with polygyny, she can enumerate the clauses her husband must fulfill before he can marry another woman. For example, she can state that he can only marry after a certain number of years, after she has had a certain number of children, after he must have bought her a house, and provides her with such and such amount of allowance monthly, the other woman has to have an HIV test, and so on. 

But Muslim women today are ignorant of their rights and are kept so. They are not aware they are entitled to set the terms for the marriage. Or that she and her husband are equals in the contractual aspect of the marriage (though their responsibilities differ). On the other hand I can forsee a man stigmatizing his wife by witholding certain priviledges from her on the basis that she didn’t state it in the marriage contract. 

It is a double edged sword for the woman really. And at the end of the day you can’t determine which way the human heart will sway. Relashionship dynamics are ever evolving. People aren’t rigid in their proclivities that is why Islam has made all the necessary provisions for a conflict free, and most importantly, just resolution of any disagreements. 

* Not her real name

my new sewing maching seems to be acting up. i tried to ignore the signs because i was too eager to get back to work after my nearly two week hiatus, but things have gotten too out of control now it’s frustrating. to make matters worse Necchi is an Italian product and their website is in err… Spanish, or is it Italian? (shoot me! do Italians know what language i speak in my village?)

hmm… lets see, where do i begin:

- the light is not working. so i have to use a lamp to enhance sewing precision

- the thread keeps getting jammed underneath and it’s frustrating because i keep going back and forth. i keep having to pull the fabric and snip the knot underneath which sometimes frays the fabric. 

- the thread tension dial is redundant. doesn’t matter what number it is on, the top tension still remains the same. even after i tried trouble shooting with the manual that came with it. 

- it’s bloody cold in the garage where i work and i swear i must have oozed ten liters of mucor out of my nose while i was there yesterday. and yes, i know it has nothing to do with the machine, still….

- i noticed there was a sticker for another address on the carton it came in  making it highly likely that it was faulty and returned by the previous owner. or it was ’spoilt’ by her and returned as a malfunctioned product which Tesco happily dumped back on me. 

clearly there’s no other choice but to take it back. i ordered online and i still haven’t forgiven the delivery man for dumping it at the doorstep and jetting off, not that i expected a hug or anything.

however i’m conflicted between exchanging it for another one or asking for a refund altogether and acquire a different model entirely. 

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before returning this machine, i’ll remember sewing this tie collar long sleeved shirt with fold over cuffs. 

it looks like a continuous clone of a mandarin collar. i realized after sewing that it would have been better to used a softer stay so that it hugs the neck more fluidly and the ‘tying’ doesn’t appear disconnected from the ‘collar’. not sure if that makes sense. i also don’t need to mention that i retarded the left cuff by putting the button holes on the wrong side. now i have to put a make believe button on the other side so that it looks ok… not that anyone is going to eyeball my cuffs, but just to be on the safe side is all. thank God i didn’t listen to my SIL and insisted i actually make the first shirt for myself before starting on others. any dress maker knows if you haven’t sewn in a while you’re bound to make mistakes… hell, even if you’ve been sewing since back when bell bottoms were totally rad, you’re not exempted from making mistakes. 

i really miss my old machine. used it for seven good months! i was so confident i could sew a perfectly straight stitch. but this one makes my confidence shake a bit. whatever machine i get will definitely take some getting used to. *sigh* wish i could just fast forward to when i have totally mastered it. 

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meanwhile, i’m still trying to think up a name for my business. sui generis has already been taken *sad*

whatever it is though,  it has to be simple yet savvy, memorable, and represents my intentions; which is basically to clothe women in a modest, yet sophisticated way. 

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in an unrelated matter, i’m thinking of re-birthing Bubbles. there’s so much stupidity going around i can’t ignore them much longer. it’s like the world is closing in on itself and the opinionated woman in me can’t keep it in any longer.

I never told anyone this, but one of my fears about living in the UK was flesh eating bacteria. You see it in National Geographic documentaries all the time. Some poor fellow that went to play in the fields ends up being rushed to the ER with half the meat of his thighs hanging off him… then they have to amputate because it’s spreading fast. But they don’t get all of it out, so it spreads to the rest of his body and he eventually rots away; quite literally!

That, and the dreaded MRSM bug… it’s scary. The way I wash my hands everytime I come from outside is starting to borderline on the obsessive compulsive. Better safe than sorry; better OCD than dead!

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Got my new Necchi sewing machine, yey! It’s wee compared to my previous Singer which is considered as ‘vintage’ over here. It’s the stuff you find in the History of Fashion section in a museum. I loved it because it was very easy to sew around corners.

Can’t wait to get into it. Lots of rearrangements to do though, as per work space. Right now the only available table/surface is in the garage… and it’s damn cold, but I have no choice. I’ll just have to discipline myself untill we get our own place.

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